Maybe that's because she has
plans, and I sit around listening to music and eating ice cream. Yup that's it.
I hate boys. I hate people. So I mentioned the guy I like alot, Well now he's
avoiding me. I've confronted him about it. Like I've seen him glancing at me in
the hallway but he denies avoiding me. Just tell me the truth. Gosh. I mean
he's my best friend and I just miss hanging out with him, you know? This other
guy, who is 17 likes me and cares about me alot. I know because he told Liz and
Liz showed me the text, but I just don't like this guy like that you know? Like
I really do care about him but not in the way he wants me to. My best
friend/crush, his name is Caleb, and my FRIEND who has other feelings, his name
is Nick. But it's like when I’m with Caleb I can be myself, I’m free from
others plans for me, he paints his skies his own kind of blue, he opens my eyes
and helps me to realize what I want in life, I miss our friendship. When I’m
not with him, his laugh fills my ears his smile can make a rainy day sunny. In
a crowd of people I always search for him, I know how he walks, how he laugh,
and if he's there, I can even pick him out of a crowd of a million people. I
fell hard for him 4 months ago; legend says that I’m in love. I've seen him in
the hallway staring right at me. One time when I confronted him, he said he was
sorry if he ever hurt me, he should be sorry I mean, he's tearing my world
apart, can't he see what he's doing to me? He's killing me for goodness sakes.
He hasn't talked to me in almost a month. One day this guy was being a total
jerk to me and class ended and we had been in the library working, so I stormed
out and into the hallway in tears about what the jerk had said to me, and there
was Caleb leaning on the wall his eyes closed. He looked over at me and I could
see he knew that something was wrong, he straightened up to come over to me,
but the teacher made him come in, we sat there staring at each other for a
minute as the tears ran down my cheeks and life went on around me. All I wanted
to do was go to him, be in a separate room with him and just
cry, cry about the bully's, cry about "my daddy dearest." I wanted
him to hug me while I wept. But we all know that won't ever happen.
Why does stuff like this happen? Why can't I just get up the nerve
to tell him how I feel? Oh wait I did. He said sorry. He's not sorry. He never
was. But yet when I need somebody to talk to I always run to him. I thought I
knew him like the back of my hand, I've been giving out chances but all he does
is let me down. Should I just give up?
*Kisses*
~Ronan
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