I feel like I've been dunked in cold water.
I don't want to say I'm upset, but simply shocked is an understatement.
I swore to myself I wouldn't have a crush again. And NOT because of what Ronan said! I don't hold such silly grudges for so long; I was eleven and now I'm almost sixteen! Sure, I still hate Marisol and Arthur and Dixie, but that's not the point! He liked someone else, and I couldn't have done anything about that. The reason I hate crushing is that I get so flustered and awkward and it never lasts long and it's just more embarrassment and mess than I need! So I told myself, "No more crushes."
And oh, did I try so, so hard. I tried so hard not to have a crush. I'm such good friends with them, I'm always texting them, I do things for them... I couldn't help it... I just couldn't. I denied it with everything but I still knew that I liked them deep down. And I absolutely hated myself for it.
So I wanted to know if I had a chance, any chance at all. Since I'm such good friends with them, of course I have access to some better kept information, right? So I asked them who their crush is... yeah, the truth bites.
I just need to compose myself. Keep telling myself that I never liked them in the first place, keep telling myself all the reasons that I couldn't have, it was all just an illusion of the mind. A strong friendship, that's it.
But it's hard.
~Lizzy
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